somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
