Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
