508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
