are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
