So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
