Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i think i just lost a toe
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize