I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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