if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
