I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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