we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
