I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
