Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
