you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
