Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
