Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
