This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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