i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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