Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize