8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
