I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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