Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
