I think i peed on brittanys purse
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
