Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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