There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
