FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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