Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
