im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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