When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Boobs are out for the taking
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
