Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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