Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize