well I can't set my house on fire every night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
