So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize