problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
