I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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