Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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