drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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