how can u be prego again
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
