the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
