The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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