I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
