hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize