PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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