it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
