I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
