careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
