Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize