I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
