I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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