Me too!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize