I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
