i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
