The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
