What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
