please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
