Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
