lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
