Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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