fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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