so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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