i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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