I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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