It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
