dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have already put on my inside pants.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
