I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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