I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
