listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
