I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
