So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So many bounce houses so little time
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
