so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
