Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
