I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize