I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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