Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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