She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
