i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
