yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
