look no pants
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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