WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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