well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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