pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize