You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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