I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
