Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
