Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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