The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
