i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
