I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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