if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize