Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
