and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
