I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
