i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
