you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
