Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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