i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
