i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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